Closets are for Clothes
by TGyamiBakura
Summary: Ultimate YuGiOh! CRACK. All the bishi's get locked in a closet! OOCNESS ALL THE TIME! Kaiba's having issues accepting that he just may be homosexual! kxj mxr Could pegasus be behind it all? Or is it something practical like aliens? R&R PLEASE [yaoi baby]


**The one story written in purple notebooks – Closets are for Clothes**

**Ch. 1**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! Spiderman, or any other copyrighted shit that appears in this story. If we did we would probably be throwing them all off in an exotic volcano somewhere praying to the paper God that Yu-Gi-Oh! Would become real… **

**TG: Okay people here is the ultimate Yu-Gi-Oh! comedy story! It took up one whole regular notebook and 3 and half thirds of a three subject one….and it still continues. We haven't even finished writing it. Umm…we lost the first notebook but remember the important aspects of it. It took us a REALLY long time to write it, but we plan on putting it all on **

**Warnings: Now just a note to you all. Me and my co-writer RiskyGboy believe FULL HEARTEDLY in yaoi. There probably won't be any women in this story. AND there WILL be explicit sex and themes from time to time…maybe. And thus will be rated P for "Probably not for children and/or straight people. Also there is utter randomness and hair splitting OOC-ness throughout the entire story, character deaths all the time, bad grammar… This story is hard to comprehend so if you like having your brain cells a part of you and not used in twisted sex-themed experiments…I suggest you LEAVE NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN! And as far as pairings go, anything goes…unless it's with a woman, which I doubt there will be any of those in this story. And since we lost the first notebook, we really are just making new shit up for the beginning.**

**As far as characters go, just so you all don't get confused…(it's really easy to do that in this story)**

**Yami Atemu, Yugi Yugi, Ryou Ryou Bakura, Bakura Yami Bakura, Malik good Marik, Marik Yami Marik, Kaiba Kaiba, Mokuba Mokuba. Okay well now that that is settled, let's get the torture started.**

**: Kaiba wakes up only to hear the door knocking, he sighs and answers it :**

Kaiba: What the hell are you doing knocking at my door at 6:00 am? (everyone is there). O.o))

Jonouchi: Hey Kaiba! We're here for the party! Yay! Party!

Kaiba: (holds temple)…why always a party? GET OUT! You know every time you come to my house saying that there is a party, there never was one to begin with!

Yugi: Ummm… But it says right here on the fliers.

(all hold out brightly colored fliers)

Kaiba: O.O…umm

Jonouchi: I know why you're denying it! You forgot to buy refreshments didn't you?

Kaiba: (looks at fliers)…Uh! These fliers are promoting my company! They don't say anything about a party!

Jonouchi: Heh (nudges Kaiba)…It's okay rich boy, we can read between the lines.

Kaiba: .#

Mokuba: Hi everybody!

Everyone (cept Kaiba): Heya Mokuba!

Mokuba: (smirks) Okay I want to capture this moment so we can share it for the rest of our lives (pulls out camera). I want you all to stand right there and huddle together.

Malik: (cops a feel on Ryou's ass)

Ryou: (blush)

Mokuba: It's so great that you all are here. You should all meet my cat.

Kaiba: …we have a cat?

Mokuba: Of course! His name is Nahnki.

ugly ass cat strolls past them and starts to glow

Yami: Omg! What's going on?

all disappear and then reappear in a dark place

Malik: Umm…where the hell are we?

Yami: It seems like…a closet

Honda: No you're wrong!

Kaiba: Actually, he's right

Honda: Fuck you Kaiba!

Kaiba: Great! Now we're fucking locked in here forever! Grr! This makes me so mad! (has a tantrum)

Yami: Oh come on now Kaiba, it's not that bad. We can just break the door down.

Kaiba: (grimly) It's not that simple. These doors' interiors are made of an unbreakable substance not known to humans.

Ryou: well…it's not not known to humans anymore…since you knew about it and now _we_ know about it…

Kaiba: …quiet you

Yami: Omg! I can't think of anything intelligent to say! Why can't it ever be easy for me?

Malik: Stop being such a queen, Yami. Nobody even cares.

Yami: You know what? I used to be a pharaoh! I think I deserve even just a little respect!

Malik: Well…it's kind of hard to show respect to someone who lost miserably in the past.

Yami: Well excuse me!

Ryou: You guys, we shouldn't be fighting like this! We have to think of a way to get out of here! It's our only hope for happiness.

Kaiba: Ahhh! Omg I can't breathe. This space is too small! I'm losing air! I'm going to die runs around

Jonouchi: Aww Kaiba it's okay, we're all friends here. I know we can make it out as a team. Nobody needs to die.

Kaiba: Easy for you to say. I'd rather die a thousand deaths than to be locked in here with you crazy lunatics! starts hyperventilating

Jonouchi: Kaiba the worst thing that you can do is panic…

(Kaiba gets smashed over the head with a giant rock)

Jonouchi: O.O Omg! Kaiba? Did you just get smashed over the head with a giant rock?

Kaiba: (dead…)

Jonouchi: OMG Kaiba! Don't worry! We'll bring you back to life! (looks around) Hey guys! Do you have any secret weapons that brings rich boys back to life?

Malik: You know what Jonouchi? Kaiba's probably in a better place now. I think you should let go. Like Pegasus…LET GO YOU PERVERTED OLD MAN!

Pegasus: (stops groping Kaiba's dead body) Oh…hehe…Em…Gee it sure is a nice day today! Well anyways I must be off! (Leaves)

Everyone: O.O;;

Jonouchi: My god! How did he leave?

Yami: Well we can't ask him now. I think the reason why we got here was because of that cat.

Ryou: Yeah and Mokuba was the one that brought it. Do you think he has something to do with it?

(off somewhere else in Kaiba's mansion)

Mokuba: Muahahahaha! This is great! I locked Seto-nii and his stupid friends in the closet! Now they will never get out. I'm so proud of you Nahnki. Good things always come from the black market. I bet Seto regrets giving me a credit card woooot! Now! Time for a vacation in the Caribbean! Yeayeahhhh!

(back to the closet)

Kaiba: (dead…)

Jonouchi: You know Kaiba, I really don't think you're dead.

Kaiba: (dead…) Trust me…I am.

Jonouchi: O.o Umm…are dead people supposed to talk? Let alone argue?

Malik: Ryou…I'm horny! I thought you said that we would only have to stay here for like half an hour! You promised me sex!

Ryou: (blush) Ehem… Malik not now…

Malik: (sigh) Yeah yeah I know, Modesty is the best policy…

Ryou: (smile)

Malik: You owe me double…

Jonouchi: Oooo look it's an ant! (squishes it)

Yami: O.o; Jonouchi, it's not good to harm living things…

Jonouchi: Yeah! Speaking of which, who was the one that killed Kaiba?

Kaiba: Yeah! I mean (cough) (dead)…

Jonouchi: I'm sure it was someone sneaky…

Yami: I get the feeling that Kaiba is not dead…

Malik: I know how to bring him to life… OMG KAIBA THE STOCKS ARE FALLING AND PEGASUS HAS TAKEN OVER YOUR COMPANY ONCE AGAIN! MOKUBA HAS A BOYFRIEND WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH A P AND ENDS WITH AN EGASUS AND IS DOING DRUGS AND HAVING THREESOMES AND TURNING TRICKS AND OMG SOMEONE IS TRACKING MUD ALL OVER YOUR CARPETS. THE MAIDS ARE REBELLING AND SO ARE ALL OF YOUR WORKERS AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF SOMEONE SPILLED STRAWBERRY JELLY ON ALL OF YOUR BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON CARDS! DON'T YOU WANT TO KILL?

Kaiba: …life has no meaning anymore (dead…)

Jonouchi: Malik you stupid dick head! That would never work in a million years! And besides, you forgot to say Simon says!

Malik: O.o? Simon says?

Jonouchi: Tsk tsk, let me show you…SIMON SAYS OMG KAIBA THE STOCKS ARE FALLING AND PEGASUS HAS TAKEN OVER YOUR COMPANY ONCE AGAIN! MOKUBA HAS A BOYFRIEND WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH A P AND ENDS WITH AN EGASUS AND IS DOING DRUGS AND HAVING THREESOMES AND TURNING TRICKS AND OMG SOMEONE IS TRACKING MUD ALL OVER YOUR CARPETS. THE MAIDS ARE REBELLING AND SO ARE ALL OF YOUR WORKERS AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF SOMEONE SPILLED STRAWBERRY JELLY ON ALL OF YOUR BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON CARDS! DON'T YOU WANT TO KILL?

Kaiba: O. (twitch) (stands up wearing a pirate costume holding a dagger) (Mexican accent) …someone wants to fall in love with my dagger? "Ooo here mister dagger! Let me kiss you with the inside of my brain! Yay! (happy dance)

Jonouchi: (grin) See? I told you.

Malik: What's with the pirate costume and Mexican accent?

Jonouchi: Shh Malik! If it makes him come to life then there's no problem with it! But if he did this and _wasn't _alive then I would be forced to show him my Kung Fu mastery! Chop chop!

Kaiba: …you fucking bastards…

Jonouchi: Oooo what is it now Kaiba?

Kaiba: I died for a fucking reason!

Jonouchi: We know so you can go to the carnival!

(all of a sudden a giant ice cream concession stand appears out of nowhere)

Malik: (running stand) Hello! Ice cream in a hot cramped closet!

Jonouchi: Yay! I knew my dreams would come true! (runs up to it) Kaiba, do you want one?

Kaiba: O.o;; Umm…

Jonouchi: Kaiba we don't have all day! Now do you want an ice cream or not?

Kaiba: (sweatdrop) Umm…strawberry?

Jonouchi: Okay! One Vanilla Chocolate swirl and a strawberry please!

Malik: Happy to oblige! (gives ice cream) That would be $40 please. (smiles happily)

Jonouchi: aww…I don't have enough (pouts)

Kaiba: (blushes) Um…

Jonouchi: This ice cream looks sooo yummy but I can't afford it. What should I do? (sad now)

Kaiba: (he's sooooo cute!)…Uhh… you know I could pay for it.

Jonouchi: Oh but Kaiba, I don't want you to waste your money! I know that you're having a hard time with finances…

Kaiba: …And you figure this how?

Jonouchi: Do you really want to pay for it Kaiba?

Kaiba: Well I have nothing better to spend my money on anymore, I don't see why not.

Jonouchi: Yay! You made me so happy Kaiba. (smiles brightly)

Kaiba: (oh god he's so hot! You can repay me anytime Katsu-puppy, and I'm not talking money wise)…$40 is a bit excessive for two ice cream cones though…(pays for them)

Jonouchi: (starts licking his ice cream in ways that make Kaiba squirm)

(somewhere on the other side of the closet)

Malik: Well Ryou, I'm waiting for it.

Ryou: …Waiting for what?

Malik: (starts undoing shirt) What you promised.

Ryou: (blush) Whatever happened to the whole modesty thing?

Malik: You know what? Screw modesty! I want sex now! (glomps Ryou)

(in another corner)

Yami: …I'm a winner…I'm a winner…I'm a winner…

(loses to solitaire)

Yami: Sonova--! ARRG! Curses! Why can't I win anymore?

Honda: It's because you're fat.

Yami: O.o;; That's…not very nice.

(back to Seto and Jonouchi)

Jonouchi: Mmm…this is so good…(licks ice cream more)

Kaiba: (drooling, Ice cream melting all over hand, untouched)

Jonouchi: Hmm…You know Kaiba, the ice cream would probably work better if you were actually eating it.

Kaiba: (blushes) O.O umm OH (accidentally smacks ice cream on face and is now very messy)…crap

Jonouchi: (giggle)…here let me help (gets closer and starts licking ice cream off of Kaiba's face.

Kaiba: (blushing madly) Ummm…

Jonouchi: Mmmm strawberry…(forgets that he's licking someone's face and not an ice cream cone)

Kaiba: (in mind) BOO YAH! Score one for Seto!

Yami: O.o;; Kaiba? Jonouchi?

Jonouchi: O.O)) oops…(stops licking)

Kaiba: Damn it Yami! Why can't you go disturb someone who actually likes you?

Yami: Aww…but Ryou is over there getting his freak on with Malik…

Kaiba: (sweatdrop) Well then go sit in that corner and race carpet bugs for all I care. I know that you can find a game that you can win sooner or later.

Yami: Oh that is so like you! (sticks his nose up and goes away)

Kaiba: (sigh) Now Jou, where were we? …Jou?

Jou: (racing carpet bugs) Yeah! Go Twinkie! You can do it!

Kaiba: (sigh) This is going to be a long ass day…

(back in the corner with Malik and Ryou)

Ryou: (pant pant)…god…that was so good.

Malik: Now aren't you glad that we didn't wait?

Ryou: Well now that we got that out of the way, I think that we should try to find a way out of here.

Malik: Now that's impossible Ryou-chan. I think we need one more round to be able to think clearly…(hand sneaking into obvious places)

Ryou: (slaps hand) Stop that!

Malik: Aww…You're no fun anymore Ryou-chan! You used to love it when I molested you in public…

Ryou: …well that was before we got arrested.

Malik: Pfshh, they're just jealous because they aren't as pretty as we are…

Ryou: Then we were sent to prison because you started killing everybody.

Malik: …(looks away) I'm sick of this Ryou. Do you really want to be my boyfriend or not? (hears nothing coming from Ryou and looks to see that he's gone) Omg! Ryou where the hell are you? I turn around and you're gone! You must really be pissed at me!

(Malik runs to the others)

Malik: OMG You guys I can't find Ryou anywhere! I'm so worried!

Kaiba: You know, it's kind of hard for someone to be missing when you're locked in a closet…

Bakura: Oh for Ra's sake, He's not missing he just switched with me.

Jonouchi: Bakura? Why did Ryou switch with you?

Bakura: I don't know, maybe he's just pms-ing. It really happens to him you know.

Kaiba: O.o; Umm… okay then…

Jonouchi: Hey you guys, where's Yami?

(all look to see Yami in a corner nekkid playing solitaire)

Bakura: Hey you worthless pharaoh! What the hell are you doing over there?

Yami: …(((((O.O))))))

Everyone: (little girl shriek)

Yami: Do you all want to play strip solitaire with me? (heavy breathing)

Kaiba: (sweatdrop) Umm…Yami I think you're ill…

Bakura: (smirks at Malik) Hey Egyptian boy. You want to have some fun?

Malik: (sweat) Eh heh…umm no thanks, I'm going out with Ryou…

Bakura: But we have the same body, it would practically be the same…except that I would be on top of course…

Malik: (sob)…I miss Ryou…

Jonouchi: aww…I want to go home! My favorite soap opera is on…

Kaiba: Well this is all Mokuba's fault that we're all stuck here. That little brat. He's going to be sorry. I will ban him from Co Co Puffs for the rest of his miserable life!

Jonouchi: Don't you hate it when your foot falls asleep and then some bastard comes along and pokes it? Doesn't that just make you want to pull out a machine gun and kill his worthless hillbilly ass?

Bakura: It would be easier just to send him to the Shadow Realm you know…

Jonouchi: Well you know what? Some of us don't have a freaky golden piece of jewelry that causes others pain.

Malik: And besides, I changed the location of the Shadow Realm

Bakura: O.O…umm how did you do that?

Malik: It was easy. I just recalibrated the Monofribulum in the Neostactor located in the Central Malichanopisus. It was a very simple process.

Bakura: . Well that's all good and all but, where is it now?

Malik: Well…it's like this, I accidentally miscalculated and put it into Ryou's bathroom.

Bakura: O.-)) You put it in my hikari's bathroom?

Malik: I didn't mean to! It just happened!

Yami: OMG I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS ANYMORE! (chucks cards at the wall and then starts hitting his head against it)

Honda: Stop it Yami! This isn't good for the closet.

Yami: (looks at him still pressed against the wall) You know what? I'm sick and tired of your bullshit Honda! You're annoying and your hair is shaped funny! One more word and I'm going to send you to the Shadow Realm…conveniently located in Ryou's bathroom.

Honda: But…

Yami: THAT'S IT SHARK BOY (sends Honda to the Shadow Realm…a.k.a Ryou's bathroom)

Jonouchi: Now that was entirely unnecessary.

Malik: I think we should focus on getting my Ryou-chan back!

Yami: Hmm let's think…what does Ryou like?

Jou: Hmm…I know! Sweaters!

Malik: Yes! You're right! I think we should make him a big sweater!

Kaiba: That's ridiculous! He won't come back just because we made him a sweater!

Bakura: Actually Malik, that's just crazy enough to work.

Kaiba: Silence! I'm not sewing a goddamned sweater!

Jonouchi: But…Kaiba…this is for our friend…

Kaiba: YOUR friend Jonouchi! Not mine in the least!

Malik: But Kaiba, you said before that Ryou's the one that you could put up with the most.

Kaiba: Yeah, just because he showers regularly! Unlike the rest of you! And he actually changes his clothes once in a while. And he actually might be the only sane one here, besides me.

Malik: Well then let's do it! Think of what it would be like without him here. Everything would be dirty and we all will be crazy. It's a terrifying thought.

Kaiba: I'm still not doing it!

Jonouchi: Pweeze Seto? For me? (puppy dog eyes)

Kaiba: (must resist…must resist…must resist)…shit! Okay I'll do it! Gawd! I better get paid for this…

Malik: Yay! Go Kaiba! (hugs)

Kaiba: Get off of me you Egyptian whore! (moves and a ton of nekkid pictures of Jou fall out of his pocket) urk…!

Everyone: (turns their attention to Kaiba)

(silence)

Kaiba: ….eh?

Ryou: (switches with Bakura) Hi Guys!

Everyone: Ryou?

Malik: Ryou-chan! (huggles)

Kaiba: (picks up pile quickly)

Ryou: Gotta go now! (switches with Bakura)

Bakura: O.o

Kaiba: (thinking) Woah thank God Ryou came back, awkward… (looks at Jou and blushes) sonova…

(a few hours later, everyone's in a circle making a huge, violently pink sweater)

Kaiba: Geeze this is one FUCKING pink sweater Jou.

Marik: (sobbing) Ryou doesn't like "hot pink"

Jou: Sorry it's the only yarn I could find

Ryou: (back and helping knit) I'm sure I won't mind.

Jou: Exactly Ryou, Ryou won't mi…wait…O.O()

Ryou: hehe (switches back)

Bakura (confused)…(blink blink)…WTF?

Jou: Wow Kaiba you really are good.

Kaiba: (350 knits per sec) SHUT UP! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE! (knit) (knit) (knit)

(an: O.o())

Jou: There! We're done!

Ryou: (appears inside sweater) Thank you guys so much for making me this beautiful sweater!

Everyone (cept Kaiba): WE missed you so much Ryou!

Ryou: I have such good friends (hugs)

Kaiba: (In corner gagging)

Ryou: And look while I was away, I made you all a sweater too!

Jou: (in bright green knitted sweater that says "Inu") Sweet!

Yami: (In bright yellow knitted sweater that says "You don't like me because I'm black!"…o.o()

Malik: (In bright purple knitted sweater that says in the front "how old am I?" in the back "How ever old you want me to be") I love you Ryou-chan!

Kaiba: (In big baby blue knitted trenchcoat that says "Yo Mamma,") Sonova…

(a few hours later)

Kaiba: Jesus Christ, you'd think that my maids and servants would have come looking for me by now…

Jou: Why would anyone want to do that?

Kaiba: (glare)

Malik: (sitting in Ryou's lap) Yay! I'm so happy!

Yami: zzzzz

Jou: (chucks shoe at Yami) NO SLEEPING!

Yami: OW! Goddammit Jou that shit hurts!

Malik: I'm going home (opens door, walks out and shuts it)

Everyone: O.o…(ultra silence)

Kaiba (first person to say anything loses)

Yami: (I _won't _lose! The world is depending on me)

Ryou: (where'd my Malik go?) (pouts)

Jou: (winks at Kaiba)

Kaiba: (glare) (asshole)

Jou: (takes Kaiba's hand)

Kaiba: (blush) (starts to say something)

Jou: (shakes his head "no" and shushes him with his finger)

Kaiba: (gives him the finger)

Jou: (takes off shirt revealing a toned body and pale skin)

Kaiba: (drooling)

Jou: (silent giggle) (crawls onto Kaiba)

Kaiba: (anger mark appears and he mouths "Knock it off!")

Bakura: (in control) (hits Jou with slingshot)

Jou: (Ow!)

Bakura: (hehe)

Malik: (comes from back of closet) I'm back!

Everyone: O.o()

Malik: (with giant grocery bag) Okay I bought some food for when we're hungry, some deodorant cause we all smell, and we all have to take a shower (points o shower in corner) I bought games, and brought my camera, I bought some futons, pillows and blankets and a radio!

Ryou: (looks in bag) …what the…MALIK!

Malik: That, sweetheart, is for when everyone falls asleep.

Kaiba: This isn't a fucking sleepover! And how the hell did you get out?

Malik: I didn't.

Kaiba: (anger mark returns) YES YOU DID!

Jou: No he didn't Kaiba.

Kaiba: O.o() but he did! Then the awkward silence and he came back, how did he get groceries? I SAW HIM WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR! (points at the door with enthusiasm)

(everyone slowly shakes their heads)

Kaiba: …uh…mmghh…(holds knees and rocks back and forth)

Jou: Why are we all gay?

Kaiba: What do you mean "we"?

Yami: (hides shirt that says "Nobody knows I'm a lesbian")

Jou: I mean it's obvious that Kaiba's attracted to me…

Kaiba: Say what?

Jou: And just look at Malik and Ryou.

Ryou: It's all right sweetie, lemme kiss it and make it better.

Malik: Okay (starts undoing pants)

Jou: It's kinda weird in a fuzzy pink sort of way.

Malik: Gay sex in Japan is just like an Egyptian boys' summer camp…

All Japanese boys: O.o()

Kaiba: Does anyone know what time it is?

Malik: Time for showers, but there's only enough water for three people, so there's going to be two pairs and one solo…

Yami: I CALL SOLO! (gets in the shower)

Kaiba: NO!

Yami: (comes out clean and sparkly) ahh how refreshing!

Kaiba: YOU STUPID BASTARD! Do you know what you've just done?

Malik: Come on Ryou-chan! We next!

Ryou: …

Malik: Oh come on we've taken showers together many…many times before! (takes Ryou's clothes off)

Ryou: (nekkid) (blush) goes in shower.

Kaiba: I guess you're staying stinking aren't you mutt?

Jou: What're you talking about?

Kaiba: Well I'm dirty, this is MY house and there's no way in hell I'm getting in a shower with you.

Malik: (in shower) EVERYONE SHOWERS! You're so slippery Ryou-chan! (love)

Ryou: Stop it Malik!

Jou: its okay Kaiba-kun, I won't look.

Kaiba: Like hell you won't you gay bastard!

Jou: I am not a bastard!

Malik: (comes out completely nekkid) Well that was exhilarating…(stretch)

Kai/Jou: …er O.o

Ryou: (crawls out of shower huffing and puffing) God Malik, you're not supposed to use soap that way!

Kaiba: (anger mark grows) …I REALLY don't want to take a shower now!

Pegasus: Well I guess it's our turn Kaiba boy! (takes Kaiba's hand and starts to frolick towards the shower)

Ryou: Sonova…(stabs Pegasus with butter knife)

Kaiba: O.- (breaks down crying) Why doesn't anything make any sense anymore!

Jou: C'mon Kaiba (drags him to the shower

Kaiba: Anything I ever say (sob) means absolutely NOTHING!

Jou: (taking off Kaiba's clothes) aw, once we get out of here everything will get back to normal.

Kaiba: Yeah Jou! You just keep being cheery about this whole thing! You're not the one that is practically under house-arrest by his little brother!

Jou: Shh now (takes off his own clothes) And then when we get out of her you can make your little bro miserable beyond reason.

Kaiba: (shower started, starts to feel woosy) …Jou…(holds him from behind)

Jou: (blush) …umm Kaiba? You okay? ….uh…ahh!

Kaiba: (pins Jou to the wall) Do you realize that we are both ass-naked right now soaking wet? Let's take advantage of it…

Jou: O.O()…

(outside shower)

Malik: You know what Ryou-chan?

Ryou: What?

Malik: I'm sick of Yami being here.

Ryou: Me too…(pulls out sword)

Malik: O.O() No, don't kill him, maybe just send him to the Shadow Realm for a little while?

Ryou: You're right. Hey Yami!

Yami: (looks up) What?

Ryou: What a nice day,

Yami: Yeah it i--! (gets sent to the shadow realm)

Malik: Nice one babe (smooch)

Ryou: O.O Malik stop doing that!

Malik: You know Kaiba and the Japanese dog boy sure have been in there for a while don't you think?

Ryou: Yeah, I wonder what's taking them so long…

Kaiba: You like that? (slams Jou up against the wall)

Jou: oh..my god YES! OH YES! HARDER! (an: O.O)

(out of the shower)

Ryou: Well what do you want to do until they get out?

Malik: For Ra's sake do you even have to ask.

Ryou: No, but we aren't doing that. I'm hungry

Malik: well yeah…so am I but…

Ryou: (hits Malik) Fr food you idiot.

Malik: Well go make something and I'll go check on Kaiba and Jou.

(In shower)

Kaiba: (huff) wow…

Jou: That was the last thing I expected to happen.

Kaiba: But it was good right?

Jou: Yeah…

(start sucking face when Malik walks in)

Malik: What the hell is taking you so l…lo…lo…

Jou/Kai: ((O.O))

Malik ur…haha! OMG! RYOU COME HERE!

(Ryou comes in)

Ryou: What? …umm

Kaiba: Wait! It's not what you think!

Ryou: I can't believe you two! Well now that I have something on you…(looks at Malik) C'mere baby (pulls Malik into a passionate kiss) …

Malik: Ryou-chan! Yay

Jou/Kai: O.o()

Kaiba: I am not gay!

Jou: Tell my ass that.

Kaiba: WHY YOU! (attacks)

Malik: Woah no need to be hostel!

Kaiba: That's it! If Malik can get through the door, then so can I (puts on clothes)

Malik: What are you doing?

Kaiba: I'm leaving!

Ryou: But you can't!

Kaiba: Why not?

Ryou: Because you're not pure of heart!

Kaiba: (sweatdrop) And Malik is?

Ryou: Well…

Kaiba: See ya! (tries to open door but can't) DAMMIT! THIS IS MY HOUSE! MALIK OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!

Malik: But…it's locked…

Kaiba: Don't start with me…

Malik: (shrugs and tries to open the door only to fail) Well I've done all I can do.

Jou: Then why doesn't Ryou try sending the door to the Shadow Realm?

Kaiba: Excuse me?

Jou: Yeah! Do it Ryou!

Ryou: Okay but I don't think it will work (sends door to the Shadow Realm)

Everyone: Yay! (all run out except Kaiba who runs into some sort of force field)

Kaiba: WTF!

Ryou: I guess you really do have to be pure of heart…

Kaiba: DON'T FEED ME THAT BULLSHIT! LET ME OUT!

Malik: You know Kaiba-kun, maybe you should start by watching your mouth!

Kaiba: URGG FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! GET ME OUTTA HERE NOW!

Marik: Say "please"

Kaiba: O.O FORGET IT!

Malik: C'mon let's all show him how to do it guys!

Everyone: PLEASE!

Kaiba: FUCK THE LAWSUIT! I'LL KILL YOU ALL! (takes magic sword and tries to cut through barrier)

Malik: Sad isn't it Ryou-chan?

Ryou: Yeah, come on let's go back and keep him company till he learns

Kaiba: COME BACK AND I'LL KILL YOU (grabs at door frame)

Ryou: Oh! That reminds me, we should bring Yami back (brings Yami back from Shadow Realm)

Yami: …mmm…huh? Kaiba?

Kaiba: great…

Yami: Oh the door is open, …why aren't you getting out?

Kaiba: …

Yami: Well I'm getting out now (tries but hits force field) what the hell?

Kaiba: What?

Yami: Why can't I get through?

Kaiba: (snicker) You have to be pure of heart…

Yami: O.o() Did Malik, Bakura and Jou get out?

Kaiba: (nod)

Yami: That makes no sense! I, of all people should have the purest of hearts!

Kaiba: Well I guess you don't

Yami: This is preposterous! I demand to see my lawyer!

Kaiba: Shut up, your voice is annoying.

Yami: Oh, that's easy for you to say, you don't have to worry about not having a pure heart!

Kaiba: O.o() …huh?

Yami: Ryou and Malik have been evil way longer than me!

Kaiba: You're evil?

Yami: (twitch) …umm no?

Kaiba: (anger mark)

Jou: Kaiba I think it's pretty damn obvious why you guys can't get through. It's cause you're lying to yourselves!

Kaiba: How so?

Ryou: Malik I think this calls for a demonstration.

Malik: Oh okay…(starts pulling down pants)

Ryou: No! That's NOT what I meant…(sweatdrop)

Malik: Look mom! No pants! (grin)

Everyone: O.o()

Kaiba: Dammit quit wasting my time and get on with it (looks over at Malik) that wasn't directed at you golden boy

Malik: Rats

Ryou: anyways…raise your hands if you're a purple mitten.

Jou: (raises hand happily)

Ryou/Malik: (raise their hands already holding the others)

Ryou: Okay now raise your hand if you're not a purple mitten

Yami: (raises hand) (wearing a shirt that says "The only reason your boyfriend is with you is because he hasn't met me yet")

Kaiba: (raises hand)

Ryou: (sigh) isn't it sad how they can't admit it?

Malik: Feh, your one to talk Ryou (sob) denying me just because Kaiba likes to watch…

Kaiba: WHAT? Jou…my butt hurts…

Ryou: See you're both not pure of heart because of all that denial…Dirty liars!

Kaiba/Yami: (confused) this sucks) suddenly dead bodies rain from the ceiling

Malik: Yay it's snowing!

All the purple mittens re-enter to see the random dead bodies

Ryou: (points) Hey is that Honda?

Yami: I thought I took care of that…

Malik: Well I brought him back just so he could taste my cookies

Ryou: …(trying hard not to think of anything other than pastries)

Honda: (is a dead corps)

Yami: Oh no Honda my dear, dear friend (crying) how could something so horrible happen to you?

Ryou: (interrupts) Yami what are you doing? Anzu isn't here..

Yami: Ah snap you're right (steals Honda's wallet) How's that for friendship caterpillar head? (kicks Honda in the crotch) Fucking moocher…

Ryou: Why'd ya kill him Kaiba?

Kaiba: …He got in my way

(flashback)

Honda: Kaiba you better stop picking on Jou or I'll kill you!

Kaiba: Why do you care so much you're acting like you got some sort of demented crush on the mutt

Honda: (blush) well it's not like I…ya know…sometimes he looks so…(whispers) cute (blush)

Kaiba: (twitch) OH weeeell… in that case why don't you stop by my mansion so we can discuss this further…(twitch twitch)

(end flashback)

Malik: Feh more like he got in your way of Jonouchi.

Kaiba: (glares) That's it! (anger mark explodes) (dies)

Jou: (in the other corner digging through Hondas wallet) he sure has a lot of pics of me..

Ryou: Kaiba sure likes to die a lot…(sigh) What a lazy bum…(eats popcorn)

Malik: Let's play scrabble!

Yami/Ryou: WOOT (goes to play scrabble)

End chapter 1

**TG: Oh god…that was so long! I think we're having a heart attack from writing so much! Oh and trust me there is plenty more to come. We hardly even started writing from our second notebook (smirk)**


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